| 1. Become emotionally
literate. Label your feelings, rather than
labeling people or situations. |
"I feel
impatient." vs "This is
ridiculous." I feel hurt and
bitter". vs. "You are an
insensitive jerk." "I feel afraid." vs.
"You are driving like a idiot."
|
| 2. Distinguish between
thoughts and feelings. |
Thoughts: I feel
like...& I feel as if.... & I feel
that Feelings: I
feel: (feeling word)
|
| 3. Take more
responsibility for your feelings. |
"I feel
jealous." vs. "You are making me
jealous." |
| 4. Use your feelings
to help them make decisions. |
"How will I feel
if I do this?" "How will I feel if
I don't" |
| 5. Show respect for
other people's feelings. |
Ask "How will you
feel if I do this?" "How will you
feel if I don't." |
| 6. Feel energized, not
angry. |
Use what others call
"anger" to help feel energized to
take productive action. |
| 7. Validate other
people's feelings. |
Show empathy,
understanding, and acceptance of other
people's feelings. |
| 8. Practice getting a
positive value from emotions. |
Ask yourself:
"How do I feel?" and "What
would help me feel better?" Ask others "How do you
feel?" and "What would help you
feel better?"
|
| 9. Don't advise,
command, control, criticize, judge or lecture
to others. |
Instead, try to just
listen with empathy and non-judgment. |
| 10. Avoid people who
invalidate you. |
While this is not
always possible, at least try to spend less
time with them, or try not to let them have
psychological power over you. |