"Idiots"
The missing taxi in an Amsterdam Hotel

 

This morning in a hotel lobby I overheard a woman from England complaining to the hotel employee about her taxi not being there. I heard her say "This is ridiculous". Then she said something like "I ordered a taxi last night so I would be sure to get to my meeting on time!"  

The employee working at the reception desk said nothing for a moment. He looked a bit stunned. Then he said "I have already called and they said they have sent another taxi and it will be here shortly."  

This did not help her feel much better though. He was giving her factual information, but not acknowledging her emotions. He was not showing much understanding. In fact, he made it worse by saying later, "I think you will still get to your meeting on time." This was invalidating her feelings - which I would say is breaking the golden rule in listening to a customer's complaints.  

Later I talked to the head concierge, Jalal. He told me that when he escorted her to the taxi he said he was very sorry. She then snapped back sarcastically "I am very sorry, too". She then said, as she was climbing in the car, "Idiots".

I asked him how he felt about that and he said it didn't bother him. He said, "it wasn't my mistake. If I had done something wrong I would feel bad, but I didn't." I then asked him how afraid he was that she might try to get him fired. He said confidently, "I won't get fired. I am not afraid of that at all." I suggested to him that in countries like the USA and England where people are very stressed they have a need to feel important and powerful, and they often like to try to get people fired to help them fill those needs. I then asked him how afraid of his boss he was between 0 and 10. He said zero. I asked how respected he felt and he said 10.  

I told him a little about my beliefs about respect and fear and asked if he had kids. He said yes. I asked if he wanted his kids to be afraid of him and he said no. He said using fear with children and employees was something out of the past.   Maybe so in Holland. But I am afraid there is still far too much fear in the homes, schools and businesses in many countries.

By the way I tried to talk to her to calm her down a little and give her a chance to vent. The first time she said something like "I woke up at 5 o´clock so I could get to this meeting, and I would quite like to get there on time! It is a very important meeting!" The second time, when I asked her what the meeting was about, she said something quickly and turned and walked away to go complain to the hotel staff some more. Just then the taxi pulled up.

Notice that the highly stressed woman was labeling people and situations, not her feelings. For more suggestions see the top 10 list of ways to use your emotional intelligence in a healthy way.

S. Hein